Blonde Detective Recruits

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were
training to become detectives. To test their skills in
recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a
picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch
him fast because he only has one eye!"The Policeman
says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows
his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he
flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde
and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and
says,"Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only
has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's
the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and
one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his
profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the
picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice
asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize
him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me
a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment
and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears
contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting
answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his
file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the
room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file
in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile
on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE!
The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good
work! How were you able to make such an astute
observation?

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear
regular glasses because he only has one eye and one
ear."

The Blonde and the Lawyer

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun
game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of
fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she
declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This
catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from
the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the
lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The
lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no
answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and
hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back
to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde
reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to
sleep.

One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears.
The doctor asked what happened. She said "I was ironing and the
phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. "What happened
to the other ear?" the doctor asked. "They called back."

Horseback Riding

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience the other day
when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until
the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all
her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could
not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When
this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head
continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even
slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing
consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and
unplugged it.

A blonde is sitting on a park bench and she is crying a man
walks up to her and asked whats wrong. She said terrible news,
he said what. My mother died but that's not the worst news. He
ask what is the worst news and she said I call my sister and she
said her mother died to.

The Blind Man in a Bar

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool.

After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.

The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate.

What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter.
The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered
the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted
him by saying "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T"
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T".
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".

Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes alot, but was very
reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a
reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll
luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on
catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he
spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water,
shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 12_foot alligator
swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature,
and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The
shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped
the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it,
this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

 

The blondes have finally responded. And, boy are they pissed!!!

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night

he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes,

when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes!

What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way?

What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work

and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.

Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes,

but women in general... and all in the name of humor."

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit sitting on your knee!"

A blonde in a bar finds herself caught up in conversation with another blonde.

"Slow night, huh?" says the first blonde.
"Yeah," says the second blonde. "So, where are you from?"
"I'm from New York," says the first blonde. "Really?" says the
second blonde. "So am I! Here, let me buy you a drink!"

"Thanks!" says the first blonde. "So, where did you grow
up?" "Upper West Side," says the second blonde. "Central Park
West, near 74th." "My God!" says the first blonde. "That's
amazing! That's my old neighborhood!

What school did you go to?" "All private schools," says the
second blonde. "I graduated from Sacred Heart High in '94."
"I can't believe this!" says the first blonde. "I graduated from
Sacred Heart in '94 too!" "No way!" says the second blonde,
astonished. "That's incredible!"

About this time, one of the bar's regulars comes in, sits down,
and greets the bartender. "Hiya, Sam. Anything going on
tonight?" "Not much," says the bartender. "Except that the
Murphy twins are drunk again."

A blonde girl has just gotten fired. Her boss has always called
her a dumb blonde.

She is driving down the road when she sees a blonde girl in the
middle of a wheat field rowing a canoe.

She pulls over, gets on the roof of her truck,and says,

"IT'S BLONDES LIKE YOU WHO GIVE BLONDES LIKE US A BAD NAME! BUT IF I
WAS'NT SCARED OF WATER I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!"

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason
that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh
officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved
to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved
to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror,the
officer replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A: Thanks Guys.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

 

Some fine Examples

The Demise of the Blondes